they said they heard you say put it in my butt
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
