I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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