YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
