My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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