Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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