someone threw a dead crab at me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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