I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
