i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
