dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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