Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
