Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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