Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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