She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
