mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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