Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
