Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How naked do you want me to be?
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