He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
