I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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