were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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