Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
