you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
