I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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