i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
