It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
