How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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