fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
