he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
