I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
