Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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