Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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