He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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