From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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