our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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