well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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