He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
