The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
