I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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