Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
