is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
