i just made my gag reflex go away.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
