We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
