hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
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