I can text with my tongue
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
