I'm going to jail i love you
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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