How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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