Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
