i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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