Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
