I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
