the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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