Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
