haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
