Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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