You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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