No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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