First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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