You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need to sanitize my soul.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
