can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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