I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
