Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
