i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
