I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You made out with two different species that night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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