Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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