I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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