I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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