i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
