Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
