you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
