Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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