OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
