She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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