We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
