i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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